wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
