you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
