Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
