the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
