walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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