I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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