the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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