After last night, I could never be a politician.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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