Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
