I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
