yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How's work?
Spinning.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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