Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
