dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
pray to the hookup gods
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
