I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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