So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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