I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
