Only a mothe r could love this liver
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
