It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
