If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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