oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just found a bag of teeth...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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