The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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