you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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