I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
