so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
