i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize