im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
