We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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