You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
