i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
