ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
