meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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