More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize