i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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