I just saw a hot homeless man
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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