great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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