There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
