you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
