dude i'm inner monologue high
he shaved USA in his pubs
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
