Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
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So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
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You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar