i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How's your threesome situation going?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.