pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
