Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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