OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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