Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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