ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
