Already got asked if we're dating
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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