I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
