Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I want to be your penis for a week.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
