I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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