i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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