the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
