Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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