I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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