you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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