So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
