I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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