So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
