We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize