After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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